I’ve been struggling lately with balancing mommyhood and an acting career — or what feels like lack of an acting career. Time and money have never been so limited for me. Pre-baby, I used to get an audition and be able to fully focus on it. Now, I’m lucky if I get to go over my sides while pushing Henry around in the stroller. I’m still pushing on, but it’s tough.
I constantly wonder why I can’t be happy doing something other than acting. In the darkest times, ashamed, I ask myself, (and sometimes a shrink) “Why can’t I just grow up? Quit dreaming. Get a real job. And be happy with whatever is it ‘normal’ people do with their lives.”
I look around at my peers that I went to acting school with and most have left acting altogether for more lucrative careers. They have homes, vacations, 401ks, and (gasp) guaranteed health benefits.
Now, in case you’re about to stop reading this whiny-ass blog, hang on. Because this is where it gets interesting.
My husband and I are close friends with a couple who went to acting school with us. They have a child just a few months older than Henry. The wife (let’s call her Beth) calls herself “a recovering actor.” My mind would often turn to them when wondering why I just can’t shake the acting bug. They had both stopped years ago. The husband built himself a nice little business. They go on vacations, out to dinner, have date night, etc. Beth has been an indispensable source of mommy-wisdom for me. I would often ask her how she accomplished going to grad school (for a non-acting course of study) while raising her kiddo. And she was always so freaking cheerful, so I assumed she must be happy with her change in careers. And I’d wonder, how are they able to be fulfilled in life without acting? What is so wrong with me that I can’t do that? And I’d start to blame my inability to live as a non-actor for the fact that we can’t afford babysitters or vacations or an apartment with a separate bedroom for Henry.
Then one day I was reading Twitter while nursing a squirming Henry and boom! Beth tweets that she has started a blog for Backstage.com about starting over as an actor. Immediately read it and discover that she has been feeling the same way I do for years! She even mentions countless discussions with her exasperated shrink about why she isn’t happy unless she is acting. I tear up and call her immediately. Yay! A kindred spirit.
It’s not a new lesson. I just keep learning it over and over. Stop comparing yourself to others. The following quote, attributed to Plato, has always stuck with me. “Be kind; Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” They may not appear to be, but the most difficult battles are internal. And it’s great to discover a new ally.
JENNIFER
Jennifer Weedon is a new mom and working actress who has appeared in films (The Height of the Sky, A Beautiful Mind), commercials (Coca-Cola, Old Spice), and theatre (Under Milk Wood). She lives in Manhattan with her husband, actor/pianist Evan Palazzo. Visit www.jenniferweedon.com for more info.
